Facts vs. Stories

I'm trying to remember to observe the stories I tell myself.

For example, yesterday, I just couldn't believe that a relative of mine had no consideration for my schedule at all. She asked me to take her to the airport but despite my asking numerous times, would not give me an exact time to meet. She also gave me a non-existent address to meet at. I drove around and around in frustration looking for the address. Finally I just parked and called her. I was incredulous when she told me she wouldn't be at the meeting place for another hour!!

Okay, so that is the story. Here are the facts. I waited an hour and twenty minutes. I couldn't find the address. I experienced negative emotions in my chest area.

When I stick to the facts its so easy to see how ego boosting the story is. In the story I am a victim. Poor me, my relative was irresponsible and inconsiderate. Obviously, in addition to being the victim I'm also superior to her because I would never do that to someone.

The facts alone do not bolster the ego. In reality, I am neither superior nor inferior to my relative. The emotion was an energy field that I experienced in my chest. I observed the emotion and allowed it to be. The facts are freeing!

Mindfulness

"Mindfulness is paying attention to what is happening around 

and inside of us each moment, without judging or attempting to change anything."

Ian Gawler & Paul Beson (Meditation: An In-Depth Guide)

What I love most about Zentangle is its meditative quality. When I am truly focused on "one stroke at a time," the past and future recede and I am present. My noisy, chattering mind settles down and I can enjoy the moment.

I couldn't ask for more... A creative outlet and a meditative practice all in one!!!

Diva's Challenge #73

Present Moment Reminder

The birds they sing at the break of day,

Start again, 

I heard them say,

Don't dwell on what has passed away,

Or what is yet to be...

-Leonard Cohen

Diva's Challenge #72

Mistakes

The black spot in the center of this ZIA (zentangle inspired art) was a mistake. A few weeks after I made the mistake I revisited this page in my notebook and started working around the mistake. Since my mind had already labeled this drawing as a mistake, the pressure was off.

I just love how it turned out.

 It makes me wonder what else I have overlooked, disregarded, given up on...

Everyday Activities

I think it might be a good idea for me to start practicing presence during my everyday routines. I am able to cook four-course meals, do laundry, clean the house and get ready for bed all without ever coming fully into the present moment. While my body works on auto-pilot I am lost in (stale, repetitive, uncreative, often negative,) thinking.

Last week at work, I sat across the table from a little girl and noticed her eyes darting back and forth from my left ear to my right ear. I was a little perturbed... what was she looking at? It wasn't until I got home that I noticed I was wearing two different earrings! Guess I was somewhere else during my morning routine that day...

The more present we are, the more peace and serenity we have in our lives. Everyday routines offer a great opportunity for practicing presence.

Cease Cherishing Opinions

 An opinion is just a bundle of thoughts. When I look back, I can see how some of my deeply held opinions have changed over the years. How can I be so sure that the opinions I cherish now wont evolve with time?

When I recognize how fluid opinions can be, I can learn to give other people space to have their own opinions. I can step back and see that my opinions and those of others are just thoughts. They are not connected with our true essence, our source.

The more I derive my sense of self from my opinions, the more I feel threatened by differing opinions of others. When another person rejects my opinion, it can feel as though they are rejecting my very self! When my "self" is threatened, I instantly feel overcome with the urge to defend and attack. I need to make myself right and that means you must be wrong.

But what if I can just accept my opinion and also detach from it at the same time? Then, when another has a differing opinion, I can stay present and observe my reactions. I don't need to defend my opinion at all. I don't need to change anyone's opinion. Through non-reaction I create space. Space for opinions to be and space for love and acceptance...

Non-reaction

Non-reaction to the ego in others is the best way to move through difficulties in a relationship.

When we react based on emotion and fear, we feed and strengthen the ego in ourselves and others. As an alternative we can become deeply present and observe the ego in action. We can recognize the behavior of the other as stemming from the ego, and we can forgive. We can recognize our own reactions as stemming from the ego's fear of diminishment and death. If need be, we can establish firm boundaries without creating further drama in the relationship.

Expectations

"Expectations are future resentments."

-AA saying

Over the last few days I've noticed some feelings of resentment surfacing. When I think about my resentment from an objective perspective I realize that it stems from the word "should."

Some of my common "should" thoughts:

When I do/say... she should do/say... (Really?)

He should have...

She should know by now!

 (They should be different than the way they are.)

 

Some of my common "should" thoughts regarding my own behavior and abilities:

I should be over this by now...

I should have done/said...

I should be able to...

I should be feeling better... 

(I should be different than the way I am.)

Some of my common "should" thoughts about situations:

It should be sunny outside... (Really?)

It should be quieter, cleaner, prettier...

It should be easier...

(It should be different than the way it is.)

It appears that letting go of these "shoulds" might eliminate some painful moments in my life. 

The point of power is always in the present moment. In this moment, I can fully face the emotion without labeling or judging it and without feeding it with my thoughts. I can accept that it is here and that it arose out of my unconscious thought patterns. And now I can let it go...

 

 

Increasing Awareness

Being aware of our surroundings helps anchor us in the present moment. We can always grow in awareness of what is around us. Colors, sounds, people, trees, birds... When we observe with a quiet mind the world becomes fresh and beautiful.

On Sunday I took a brisk walk on the boardwalk. I decided I would try to stay focused on the movements of my body and the natural beauty of the ocean. Try as I might, my noisy mind continued chattering away; commenting, judging, reviewing past conversations, planning, daydreaming. I had gone half a mile before I realized I was so caught up in my mind I hadn't even heard the sound of the waves.

It is often frustrating and discouraging to observe how little control I have over my mind. When this happens I try to simply observe my thoughts and accept their energetic momentum. I always have another chance to refocus on the present moment. I can increase my awareness one moment at a time, and listen to the waves...

Present moment reminder

In order to experience spirituality in our lives we must come into the present moment. 

We cannot be in alignment with the purpose of creation in the past or future, 

but only in this moment. 

Now.

Ups and Downs

 The trip to Florida took a little over 19 hours during which I happily maintained my present moment awareness.* The trip back from Florida took 22 hours, the first 12 of which I happily maintained present moment awareness. Then we hit traffic. This would not have been so terrible under normal circumstances, however, my husband had a plane to catch that evening and we were pressured to get home sooner rather than later. The stop-and-go traffic made me nauseous (it could have also been all that popcorn on an empty stomach). We spilled milk all over the back seat which gave off an increasingly sour aroma as the trip progressed. The dvd player kept freezing so the children having nothing else to do, were compelled to bicker. To make a long story short, I lost my present moment serenity. Emotions of an unpleasant nature took over and settled in for the next 10 hours.

Interestingly enough, even during this ordeal I was able to clearly observe that my resistance to the situation and my thoughts about it were the primary cause of my unhappiness. For instance; I noticed that the thought, "I can't take this anymore!" directly correlated with high levels of distress. I also tried reminding myself to come into the present moment and for few seconds I was able to be so utterly present that I experienced a momentary melting of unhappiness and even a cessation of nausea. But I was unable to maintain that level of focused attention for more than a couple of seconds at a time. As soon as my concentration slipped, I was back in my unhappiness.

When we finally arrived home and staggered through the front door my 12 year old son burst into tears wailing, "I have to go to school tomorrow!!! I don't want to go to school!!!" He was pretty much on his own with these emotions while I unloaded the car and tried to get some food on the table. He carried on in this manner for a good half hour. However, a little while later I overheard him saying in a self-soothing voice, "I am pouring milk, everything is fine..." "I am eating cereal, everything is fine..." And after that... "I am getting into pajamas, everything is fine..." I caught his eye and we shared a smile. He's heard me say, "stay in the moment," countless times and I finally had the joy of witnessing him internalize this! 

* When I say that I "happily maintained my present moment awareness," what I mean is that I repeatedly observed my mind wandering and continuously (and gently) refocused back on the present moment.

Road Trip

“The journey not the arrival matters.”

T. S. Elliot

So we are driving to Florida for Passover. Yikes! 22 hours in the car with three kids and no overnight stop. I’m thinking this is a great “present moment challenge.” On a trip like this the tendency (after about 14 hours) is to start focusing on (yearning for) the destination rather than chilling in the present moment. So the challenge is to stay here and now through car sickness, spilled drinks, potato chip crumbs and backseat bickering.

Speaking of Passover, another great challenge is staying in the present moment while interacting with extended family. There’s nothing like family for bringing up our issues. The more past history we have with someone the more presence we need to practice. This is because we interpret Mom’s behavior through the filter of the past. Its not; “hmmm, that comment is stirring some resistance in me…” Its; “Well, there she goes again…”

So the more we can stay in the moment and leave our past baggage behind the lighter and calmer we are… Good luck!

A crack in everything

"Forget about the perfect offering,

there's a crack in everything,

that's how the light gets in."

Leonard Cohen

Hello Friends,

I'm answering the call from inside that yearns for expression. I have no idea where this will go...

In the meantime, here are two of my most recent pieces of "Zentangle Inspired Art". Zentangle is an art form based on creating beautiful images with repetitive patterns. For me its about enjoying the process, one stroke at a time. I put aside the cares of the world. I put aside the anxiety associated with producing a piece of artwork. I put pen to paper, slowly and repeatedly. While I try not to aim for any outcome in particular, it is fun when a drawing turns out pleasing...


Love to you all,
Shaina